I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
