Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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