oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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