Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
