Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
