I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
