Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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