I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
