That's intense
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
