M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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