whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
