WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
