I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
