Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
