I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
