First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
