Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
