dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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