he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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