Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
