Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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