my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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