Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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