I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
