When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
