capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
