they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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