I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
