so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
