ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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