She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
