worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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