He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
