in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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