What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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