there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
