Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
