I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
