College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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