How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
