Christians are straight up FREAKS
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
