I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
