Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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