i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You ate ashes out of my bong
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
