i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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