i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
