You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
