He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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