girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
