I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
