Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
